Friday, March 7, 2008

Ste. Elsewhere!

Okay, so here's the deal - my good friend Elsie Weir (Greatest Pseudonym Ever - sorry, but I have to use it now that it's been said) has started a blog, and I don't know if she's stuck herself on the fatosphere feed yet. Even if she did, I'd still want to link to it and talk about how cool it is.

(But seriously, when are you gonna put yourself on that thing already?)

Anyway, please follow the link to Elsewhere, where she writes about "anything from feminism and fat acceptance to books, cooking and other ill-advised creative endeavors!" It's still kind of a work in progress over there, but definitely check out her entry entitled "wannabe glamourpuss," about her relationship with fashion and the beginnings of fat acceptance.

Seriously, you'll be glad you did. And keep reading.

Take it easy,

TE

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I think, therefore I am. (Reading JFS)

Just started on this series by Sandy Szwarc at Junkfood Science, and part one is a fascinating post about early fat activism and - surprise! - how feeling bad about being fat could be worse for you than actually being fat.

Pay special attention to the story of the Rosetans, a group of Italian immigrants in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. My goodness, how I'd love to go back in time and spend a good week or two with those people in their warm, wonderful community: smelling the men's cigars and drinking red wine, eating rich Italian foods and defying organized medicine... it sounds like heaven to me!

Seriously, read the article. I know I'm a little late in getting to it, but I've got a lot of catching up to do. So glad I started with JFS.

Short note on the MS front: Did a Medrol dose-pak, then continued on prednisone at half the dose I'm used to. (Two weeks to go.) I'm doing alright, but I'm tired all the time. That's better than my usual time with prednisone, though, being ravenous and restless. But I'm keeping up on my Copaxone like a good Teva Neuroscience fangirl and I know things will get better.

Take it easy, everyone.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Hard to stick?

Spent last week doing another Medrol infusion to kick this exacerbation. The steroid worked amazingly well this time, both physically and mentally, and not in small part due to a very understanding IV technician (he's actually the director of nursing) who treated me with kindness and respect. (And didn't tell me to fix my valve-y veined arms by losing weight or something. I'd have been like, "Haha, I dropped 15 pounds being sick already so there!" Well, not really, but I fantasize about saying stuff like that to less awesome people. Seriously, he was a dream.)

So, I have a question for all of you fat folks who spend time at the doctor's or the hospital - have you ever been told, before anyone's even looked at your veins or touched your skin, whether or not you'll be "hard to stick"? I had an experience with that this time around and it puzzled me - I've never had trouble giving blood, nor been told I have "rolling" veins or anything of the sort - and yet I was deemed troublesome before I'd even gone down to the lab! (They actually called my house to find this out - wtf?)

Why would one look at a fat person and automatically deem them difficult in the blood department? I mean, if you've got enough training to take someone's blood, shouldn't you also have enough to know that veins typically aren't smushed under three inches of impermeable fat or whatever it is you think you're looking at?

(Then again, who am I kidding? Read stories at First Do No Harm and see what doctors get away with. It's horrifying.)

So does anyone have anything similar to share? I asked a fat friend of mine and said she'd never experienced it herself, but would be mighty pissed if it had happened to her.

Thanks for reading and take care!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Show Me! (Your fat blogs!)

Okay, I know I just posted, but I figure it's time to make up for all that absence with this piece of news:

I received the following message from a lady through my MySpace profile, and we have exchanged pleasant emails since. She's interested in interviewing fat bloggers from Missouri. As far as I know, I'm the only one. But she gave me permission to post her message here for others to see, just in case I'm joined by other Missourians about whom I wasn't aware!

So come on you guys! Show Me your fat blogs and send this lady a message if you're interested.

(message has been slightly edited to preserve some of the writer's privacy.)


My name is Rose Raymond. I am a reporter for the Columbia Missourian, a community newspaper based in Columbia, MO. In response to the recent national media coverage on fat acceptance blogs, we are interested in doing an article about fat acceptance blogs and websites that are written by Missouri residents.

I have seen your 'theendomorph' blog and am very interested in
interviewing you via phone or AIM about your blog. Also, if you know of any other bloggers from Missouri that run fat acceptance blogs, it would be great if you could pass along their URLs. Thanks a lot for your time and help. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Rose Raymond

roseraymond@gmail.com


So what do you all think? I've agreed to it, hoping to shed some light on my feelings about being fat and how this community has inspired me to talk about them. But... I'm not so sure about the phone or AIM thingy. I'm shy when I get a ring, but typing is troublesome. The good thing is, a week ago Ms. Raymond let me know that she'd like to get her article out within a month. So I guess I have some time to get brave, exercise my fingers, and hunt down some MO residents who feel the same way I do.

So hop to it! I'm gonna keep saying "Show-Me your fat blogs!" until someone responds. And that sounds silly, so if you wanna stop it, you know what to do.

The exacerbation, Copaxone again (!), and fat disability aids!

Okay, everybody - here's that up-and-coming post I was talking about before. But first of all, some blog maintenance news: I've made comments available to registered users only. I've gotten some lovely and warm wishes (and help!) from several kind people. Unfortunately, I've also received some trolling from people who don't wish to use their names when leaving nasty comments.

I'm not trying to shut anyone out - I love hearing from all of you! - but before you reply, can you please take a moment and register with Blogger? It doesn't take much time or energy and you can use it for all sorts of things - you could even start your own blog!

Again, I'm sorry if anyone feels excluded by this. Thanks to all of you for your kind comments (some of which I haven't replied to in months - bad Endomorph!). Now, on to my post.

As I said the last time, I've been in pretty rotten straits as far as my health goes. I've also been feeling out of place in the online community lately. It's not the fault of anybody specific, or any specific topic - I've been withdrawing from everything. It's the fault of being sick, really.

In short - or not so short, as it turns out - I have had, and am still having, a major exacerbation. The period of time I had to spend off of Copaxone in October threw me down into a place that I've never experienced before. I was worse than I'd ever been - worse even than before I was diagnosed, which is when the symptoms I still have first developed, and which was the first time I couldn't walk. All of my usual symptoms became worse, like my regular exacerbations, but then it got harder. I lost the ability to walk and to get out of bed - even just to sit up - by myself. My right leg became lame and useless. I went from cane to walker to wheelchair through November, when I took my first Tysabri infusion.

I didn't expect Tysabri to fix me overnight, but I hoped it would make a difference, since my body had become so sick so I could take it and hopefully get some help. I thought that it could surely clean up something that had just happened, if I hoped hard enough.

But it didn't. At the end of November, I told my neuro to put me back on Copaxone. He was disappointed - kept asking me to try one more month or so. But I told him I couldn't afford one more month of not knowing if it would affect me positively, and he wrote me a prescription. I was so happy.

But the hardship didn't end there. I knew I'd have to wait some time before restarting Copaxone, but I didn't expect a three-month wash out period. No one - not my doctor, not the MS specialist who recommended a pulse of Tysabri in the first place ("A month off Copaxone, three to six of Tysabri, then a month off again and back to Copaxone"), and not one of the many Tysabri reps I spoke to during this time - told me about that.

Like I said, I expected a waiting period like the one that required me to stop Copaxone. I blame myself for this - I should have asked more questions - but I still wonder why no one told me this. I always mentioned I intended to go back on Copaxone.

So I'd been stuck in this place since I stopped Copaxone and it only got worse - I was able to get back to a walker again, but in the last month I'd slid down the little bit that I managed to climb. Back in the wheelchair, not being able to use the right leg again, and whatever dexterity I gained in my hands is gone again. Plus a bout of optic neuritis causing my right eye to give double vision, followed by some scary misbehavior with my bladder, for which I'm going to see a urologist soon.

Anyway, I won't be bitter any longer - I went back on Copaxone on the 24th and I'm glad to have it. And fortunately, last Monday I went on a high dose of prednisone, followed by going in to the hospital for Solu-Medrol again today. (This is my fifth time.) I'm not so big on optimism, but I have a lot of good feelings that the reintroduction of the Copaxone, plus the Solu-Medrol, plus the prednisone taper that'll follow this week will get me back to a better place.

I'm using all my Typing Spoons writing this, and I'm sorry to have gone on so long and so bitterly before I hit that positive note. I didn't mean to turn this blog into a "complaining about MS" blog - I hoped to report news, give some insight about MS and fat acceptance and bisexuality from my experiences, and make like-minded friends. I've got some good news - fat news, actually! - and before I conk out and my fingers give out altogether, I thought I should list these good things!

Here we go:

* The SEMO Alliance for Disability Independence, which is a non-profit center that provides assistance for disabled people in my part of the state, has helped me out greatly during this time.

The point of this asterisk is that they also offer mobility and assistance aids to people who can't afford them or come by them easily. They gave me a used shower chair a few months back and it was a godsend, especially now. So when I first started to go downhill after having stopped Copaxone, my mom gave them a call and asked about a walker and potty chair (since I couldn't walk well enough - even with Michie holding onto me - to get to the bathroom in time).

Anyway, they called back right away with some positive news, and in mid-November my mom drove Michie and I there to pick up a walker and potty chair. I found a walker that fit me well - the first one they offered was too small and not wide enough for my hips to get to - and they had no problem with me needing another one. But I had to wait for the potty chair - again, the ones they brought out first weren't big enough for me to sit on comfortably. But the nice SADI people said they'd call the next day when they found one, and they did! My mom went to get it, and it's perfect. It wasn't a donated object - meaning it was going to cost something - but SADI will pay for one aid per person per year, as far as I understand, and so I got my potty chair with no worries!

The point is, it was no problem to ask them for larger aids to accomodate me. They were helpful, supportive, and completely understanding. No one questioned my size, how it related to my disability (not at all), or made a judgment or cracked a "friendly" joke. I felt completely respected and cared for by these dedicated, professional people. Kudos to SADI and their fantastic team of employees.

* One more bullet before I go: The day I went up there, SADI also pointed me in the way of a home medical supply company, which was just as helpful. Two young ladies helped me pick out a large size wheelchair (prescribed by my doctor) and I had a great experience there, too. They're currently helping me order a blood pressure cuff and stethoscope (prescribed for low blood pressure - how about that? Hehe) and it's the same thing this time. Again, good going you guys.

If anyone reading this needs information on how to reach these services and companies, please leave a comment with your email and I'll be glad to help.

That's all I've got for now. My next posts will be about two cool fat subjects: first, an upcoming article in the Columbia Missourian about the current media interest in fat acceptance. The lady who contacted me said I could re-post part of her email to me in here. Check back soon for more information. Fat Missouri bloggers, I'm looking at you! *points*

Then, after that, I've got a fat fashion / friend blog recommendation to hand out to you all. I'm sure you'll love both.

Take care, everyone. Again, thanks for reading.

The Endomorph

Thursday, January 31, 2008

I'm alive! (Now, about the lack of posts...)

Hello, everyone. Yes, the Endomorph is still here, barely, and when she feels up to it. I've had a hard time since I last posted.

In short, after going off Copaxone, I had a terrible month waiting for Tysabri, so much so that I got sicker than ever before my first infusion. (Details later.) I always believed in it, but really didn't realize how much Copaxone was doing for me, or how blessed I was to have it. Then, once I decided to stop Tysabri (after the one infusion) because I simply couldn't wait for results that I didn't know would come, I couldn't get back on Copaxone (which I knew worked for me) fast enough and picked up a new exacerbation that's lasted for weeks.

Basically, my fingers and feelings have been shot the last few months - that's why I haven't updated. If I could have, I'd have posted this sooner. For those of you who read this blog, I'm sorry.

I have a longer post coming soon, probably before or on the weekend, detailing what's up with my absence. In addition to going on and on about my health, I have some fat positive experience to write about regarding disability. It was really eye-opening and affirming.

I also have some news for fat bloggers in Missouri (anybody out there?) regarding an interview offer from the Columbia Missourian. More on that soon, too, probably on the post after the next one. (It should get its own entry, I think, when I can manage it.)

So, in conclusion, thanks for reading, everyone. I'll be back as soon as possible. I missed the Fatosphere and the helpful comments from you guys with MS. I hope everyone on Tysabri is well - it didn't work out for me, but I hope it works for the rest of you who are taking it. I guess I'm more of a glatiramer acetate kinda girl.

Take care, and thanks for your support.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I'm famous! And I'm getting Tysabri!

mo pie featured my "bad fat girl" post at Big Fat Deal. I'm famous! Well, sorta. I'm not used to being talked about, except in that "bitchy high school girl" sort of way, so this is new to me. I'm a big fan of BFD so this is kind of an honor. If you don't already read it, you're really missing out.

And finally, I have some Tysabri news:

I was contacted last week by a Tysabri caseworker, who'd received my papers from my neurologist. She briefly explained some info about infusions to me which I'd already learned, but they have to repeat stuff a lot because of the TOUCH thing. Then she gave me the names of places close to me where I could have the infusion done. I asked about a hospital in the nearest city that I liked, but unfortunately my neurologist couldn't prescribe there. The other two places were a hospital I didn't like, and an infusion center called OptionCare. I asked my caseworker for more time to decide, and we hung up.

I was already decided on the infusion center, since I didn't wanna go to the hospital, but I decided to give them a call yesterday anyway. I went to their website first and was very happy with what I saw, and I was even happier after I called. I talked to a nurse and I liked what she had to say about their facility and the procedure. They have four nurses on staff there, and a private infusion room with a recliner, a TV and VCR, and plenty of room. The infusions are done in the elbow, which I'm used to, and they take an hour plus an hour afterward for observation. I told the nurse to expect a call from Tysabri because I was sold, and thanked her for her time.

I called Tysabri back right afterward and let them know. So hopefully, in a week and a half, if all goes well with insurance and stuff, I should be making an appointment with OptionCare for my first infusion. I'm very worried about Missouri Medicaid (now MoHealthNet, ugh) giving me trouble, as they've been doing for my migraine medicine and sleeping pills lately. However, I'm really excited. Being off the Copaxone for these last few weeks has left me feeling worse than ever, even with the prednisone, and I can't wait to be on something new that could help me. Even if the results are really small at first, I'm putting a lot of hope into this.

So there's what's going on with Tysabri. I'm just waiting on insurance to figure out what they're doing, and then I'm good to go. Wish me luck, because I'm always worried I'll need it.

In completely unrelated news, I'm really excited to see 30 Days of Night tomorrow. I'm a big fan of survival horror, and I love Danny Huston. What's even more exciting is that my lady love and I are treating ourselves to Indian food before we see the film. I love Indian food so very much - saag paneer is my favorite dish and I hope they feature it on the lunch buffet.

Lotsa people have been talking about foods and food-positivity lately, so if anyone's surfing over here from Big Fat Deal or wherever, or happens to just read this on their own, I was wondering: What's your favorite food? And if you like Indian food, what's your favorite dish? I'm excited for my big day out tomorrow and my mouth's already watering, so lemme know what makes yours do the same!

Take care and thanks for reading!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The bad fat girl sends her thanks.

I just wanted to let everyone who responded to my "fat sins" post know how much I appreciated it. I'm going to respond individually to everyone soon - things just got a little complicated IRL in the past couple of days.

Again, I want to reiterate that nobody in the Fatosphere inspired the post. It was mostly the venting of old things that I'd felt bad about on my own and felt like getting off my chest. Fillyjonk just wrote about these kinds of ideas at Shapely Prose and it's a very good read. My favorite part:

But I don’t want anyone reading “I practice Health At Every Size” to mean “I may be fat, but my refrigerator looks like a food co-op and I have a closet full of matching workout outfits and running shoes.” There are plenty of reasons why a lifestyle like that might be out of reach for someone — money, physical condition, or just a lack of inclination. But HAES means something a lot more complex than “fat in body, thin in habits.” It means a life based on something deeper than self-recrimination. And it’s possible for everybody.

I agree with this wholly, and again, nobody in the FA movement inspired my last post. A lot of the things I talked about before - my activity level, my aversion to sunlight, - are out of my control, and I can't change them (or, it would be a serious hardship to). The ones I could change that I choose not to - my sense of fashion, my love of ramen and red meat - are not really "fat sins." They're parts of my personality and my life that I would like to remain constant, even if they don't fit in with what other people might think of as "good." The way I see it, it's all just me redefining HAES for myself, as everyone is able to do and should do. There is no "good" or "bad." There was just me thinking I was "bad" for awhile thanks to old drama (which I will probably discuss later at some point) and ideas like HAES, which are not particuarly new to me but occasionally jump up and hit me over the head with "Hey, you're not doing this right!" As if there's a "right" way - well, there is, but it's got to be right for you, not everyone.

I consider myself lucky enough to have never dieted or felt like I should diet, but again I wonder if my brief feelings of inadequacy with regards to HAES are in any way comparable to a dieter who feels she or he is failing in their weight loss program. In the comments for Fillyjonk's post, a few people bring up the inclusion of mental health in HAES. I've never felt that people who were constantly dieting - always putting themselves down, depriving themselves of nourishment and enjoyment, and sticking to a regimen that not only made their bodies unwell but also made their minds addled by points and numbers of pounds - were particularly healthy in any way. It seemed unhealthy to me to even think that way. It seemed kinda crazy.

Self-recrimination sucks for everyone. So I'm gonna keep eating my ramen and red meat, keep half-heartedly doing my yoga, and keep being frumpy because I like frumpy! That doesn't make me a fat sinner.

Well, I am a fat sinner, but it's not because I'm fat!

-TE

P.S. MS and Tysabri post coming soon, I promise. Complicated RL sucks.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

List of "fat sins."

This started out fairly lighthearted and ended up in the realm of the depressing-yet-socially-aware. I wonder exactly how this post is going to be taken.

Why I Am A "Bad" Fat Person:

  • I really, truly like dressing in dark-colored clothes that are considered "frumpy." For the last six years it's been long dark skirts, dark sweaters, tank tops (which do show my arms), the occasional orange or light blue blouse when I'm feeling adventurous, and pretty tame sandals or clogs or lace ups. My profile picture, in which I am wearing the pink skirt and blue halter top, is an extremely rare exercise in creative dressing for me, and only gets repeated once or twice a year. That said, I have no intention of dressing in belly tops, short shorts or skirts, or anything hot pink or sherbet orange or lime green simply because it is (and should be) my right to do so, not even though I'm fat, but because I am and I can dress any way I want. Well, for God's sake, this is how I want to dress. I barely even like blue jeans or other "normal" clothing, either - I'm just not comfortable in clothes like that, and don't think I should feel like some repressed, sad fat girl because I guess I dress like one. I am a sad fat girl, just not sad because I'm fat!
  • Also, I like dark, cold, "bad" weather. And I hate the sun and loathe going out in it, not just because of the heat (which is uncomfortable and exacerbates MS) but because of the brightness, which hurts my eyes and burns my skin, which I also enjoy keeping pale. I would frankly rather stay inside and sit in front of my computer, or draw, or read a book than be caught in "good" weather, unless there's a really good reason to go out. If it were up to me, and I were able to work, I'd find a desk job at home like my mother's and only leave the house for the 24-hour grocery store, or the video- and bookstores that stay open past 8pm. On a really cloudy day, with promises of rain, I might be persuaded to go out in the early afternoon. Maybe. Just maybe.
  • Here's one thing I'll never go outside in the sun or summer for: sporting events, 'cause I don't like sports. Which leads me to this: I honestly don't like exercise very much, either. Any exercise I do is motivated out of guilt ("Oh noes, I'm not being a good fat girl unless I practice HAES!") or out of a genuine desire to affect pain management for MS. It usually ends up causing me more pain than good, at least right now. The yoga that I do 2-3 times a week (after not having done it for months) is a 20 minute gentle workout with few standing and no squatting poses, and I'm learning to enjoy it, mostly with the encouragement of my friend Randi and this awesome yogatard. But I can't do much more than that physically because of my gait imbalance and muscle weakness, so no matter how awesome I look in the yogatard, chances are I still feel shitty (physically and emotionally) about my activity level being so poor and painful to me. Now I know I'll be able to do more once I've worked at it longer, and I really do look forward to those days. Maybe by then I'll have shaken this notion that it's something I have to do to get taken seriously, and instead care more about the helpful things it's doing for my body and my mind when I get there.
  • Not everything I eat is good for me. I really feel like I should have to pretend, though, because I think that HAES is a really wonderful concept. However, it's extremely hard to practice unless I have the time (for exercise) and the dime (for foods). I really kind of want to know where all the really poor fat people are in this movement. You know, the unfortunate ones we talk about who can't afford fresh organic greens with every meal and don't have to buy the hormone-injected beef, but that we never seem to come into actual contact with. Those guys and gals. Well, yeah, I'm one of them. I'm one of the slobs conservatives talk about who buys a 12-count box of ramen at Wal-Mart for $1.50 and it feeds me lunch for almost two weeks - and I don't prepare it the usual way, oh no. I drain the cooked noodles completely, then pop in a tbsp of butter and the sauce mix and make gooey cholesterrific noodles instead of brothy ones. I like cream cheese so damn much I will eat half a box of it alone, without a bagel, and a slice or six of summer sausage is the best junk food ever. I snack on countless Cheez-Its between meals while swilling down regular Coke. I love Coke and sweet-sweet tea and Great Value fruit punch and other drinkable sugars. As far as sweet foods go I can honestly say I rarely touch them - I consider apples and oranges my sweets, because I don't really like sugary foods even if they're totally natural, but I might also have an ice cream bar every month or so.
  • I'm honestly in love with salt and starch and always have been. My full meals - when I can afford to make full meals I usually have a nice one a day - usually consist of some fatty, unhealthy meat (like rare roast beef), a large baked potato full up with butter, salt, and pepper (and sometimes sour cream!) and a frozen veggie like Brussels sprouts or spinach. I guess I'm good because I always eat a good veggie or two with every full meal, and it's not a hardship for me to eat it - I've loved vegetables for as long as I can remember. (Note for the phobes: I've also been fat for as long as I can remember, and when I stopped eating 'cause of MS and didn't have any of this food, I dropped some weight - I call it "sick weight" - and I was still fat. But OMG, when I went back to my regular diet I didn't magically gain all that weight back plus more! Amazing!)
  • Some of this is bought on an EBT card, and just one of those meals takes up over 30% of what I'm allotted each month. Like finding the people with MS on Medicaid instead of private insurance or Medicare, or the ones who had to default to SSI instead of SSDI because they hadn't worked enough or couldn't get Social Security to believe they're really disabled, the fat poor that we talk about is so often MIA on the internet. Now I know it's probably because most of them can't afford the internet, and I'm very lucky - if I didn't live with my mother, who makes her living working from home, I wouldn't even be here. Now, I'm not saying everyone I know of in the fat acceptance movement is a Rockefeller, but it's rare for me to hear about these kinds of hardships unless we're talking about the nameless fatties that the conservatives seem to think are eating up our food stamps system and destroying America's health with their gluttony and their lack of jobs or training or their five kids or... their incurable diseases that render them unable to work? Yeah, those fuckers. I never hear from them, just about them. If I'm the only one kicking around right now, maybe I should talk about this more? But then...
  • I feel like I'm a "bad" fat person who has, at this point, done nothing to better her circumstances because right now I have no idea where I'd go or what I'd do. My SSI is small, but if I were able to work - I'd have to start out part-time - I'd barely make more than that where I'm living now, and my food stamps would likely decrease as a result. My partner is paid to take care of me, but I am given a criminal amount of hours a week for her to "work," and her two paychecks a month total less than my SSI. She too is on food stamps, and has recently been approved for Medicaid as well. It's a slippery slope, one meant to keep you down if you're down and not let you back up unless you win the lottery or marry someone with a million dollars who can afford to take care of you or, you know, are able to go to school for two to four years and find a really nice job after that time and hopefully find some kind of security on your own. And you know what? As frustrated as I get with my SSI, and as irritating as Missouri Medicaid has grown in the past few months, I don't know what I'd do right now without it. I really, really, really want to go to school someday, but not so much for myself - not to better myself as a person, or to reach goals, or to go on Girls Gone Disabled or whatever - but because I hope someday I'll be able to work again, and have a really nice job, and get us out of this hole we're stuck in. This very comfortable, very appreciated hole that I'll admit to liking living in for the time being. I guess I'm a "bad" poor person, too.

I've got no idea where I'm going with this. Maybe this is just my confessional list of fat sins I'm trying to get off my chest. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed by any of these things - that wild diversity is important in any movement - but I can't help feeling like I'm a prime example of the kind of black sheep nobody wants to talk about because I might be proving things right about fat people that aren't the best things fat acceptance should represent. No, I'm not weight loss dieting or planning my next stomach amputation, but I'm not being "good" either. I just sort of "am," and this is what you get with me.

Nobody in particular has made me feel this way; rather, it's just an overwhelming feeling of failure. I wonder if this is how people who are dieting or are unhappy with their fat bodies feel? I have no experience with that, so I don't really know. Does anyone have any opinions or a helpful way to make me stop feeling like such a douchebag?

Oh, oh, I forgot one:

  • I've got high cholesterol, so says my doctor. (Who tested me for it without my consent, I might add, at 217 or thereabouts.) No, I don't plan on taking any medication for it or changing my above eating habits or starting a rigorous workout plan that I've already said I can't do. I use a cocktail of herbal supplements that seem to be keeping me from keeling over at any moment. Well, for right now, anyway.

... 'Kay, that's so it for this post. Tomorrow I'm gonna stick ot the really fun stuff: I'll talk about going off my beloved Copaxone for Tysabri, the way that prednisone makes me feel physically and emotionally (and the uncharacteristic-of-me body dysmorphia it brings with it), and the medical drama it's bringing. We'll call it MS Day at The Endomorph's.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

This is why I haven't done yoga in so long.


(Click for larger picture.)

That's me and several of my babies. The one I'm holding is Oswald, who is the apple of my eye. He's also a pretty good substitute for a yoga brick.

I'm wearing my yogatard from Junonia, which is a fantastic size 14+ clothing company I learned about through Shapely Prose. I haven't done yoga in a long time, really, because I had nothing to comfortable in which to do it! When Kate Harding posted about her purchase, I knew I had to get one. I was able to this month and I'm very happy with it! I was afraid it wouldn't fit (I chose a 2X) because my hips are troublesome to size, but it's near-perfect. If you're active or thinking about becoming active, definitely check out Junonia.