Again, I want to reiterate that nobody in the Fatosphere inspired the post. It was mostly the venting of old things that I'd felt bad about on my own and felt like getting off my chest. Fillyjonk just wrote about these kinds of ideas at Shapely Prose and it's a very good read. My favorite part:
But I don’t want anyone reading “I practice Health At Every Size” to mean “I may be fat, but my refrigerator looks like a food co-op and I have a closet full of matching workout outfits and running shoes.” There are plenty of reasons why a lifestyle like that might be out of reach for someone — money, physical condition, or just a lack of inclination. But HAES means something a lot more complex than “fat in body, thin in habits.” It means a life based on something deeper than self-recrimination. And it’s possible for everybody.
I agree with this wholly, and again, nobody in the FA movement inspired my last post. A lot of the things I talked about before - my activity level, my aversion to sunlight, - are out of my control, and I can't change them (or, it would be a serious hardship to). The ones I could change that I choose not to - my sense of fashion, my love of ramen and red meat - are not really "fat sins." They're parts of my personality and my life that I would like to remain constant, even if they don't fit in with what other people might think of as "good." The way I see it, it's all just me redefining HAES for myself, as everyone is able to do and should do. There is no "good" or "bad." There was just me thinking I was "bad" for awhile thanks to old drama (which I will probably discuss later at some point) and ideas like HAES, which are not particuarly new to me but occasionally jump up and hit me over the head with "Hey, you're not doing this right!" As if there's a "right" way - well, there is, but it's got to be right for you, not everyone.
I consider myself lucky enough to have never dieted or felt like I should diet, but again I wonder if my brief feelings of inadequacy with regards to HAES are in any way comparable to a dieter who feels she or he is failing in their weight loss program. In the comments for Fillyjonk's post, a few people bring up the inclusion of mental health in HAES. I've never felt that people who were constantly dieting - always putting themselves down, depriving themselves of nourishment and enjoyment, and sticking to a regimen that not only made their bodies unwell but also made their minds addled by points and numbers of pounds - were particularly healthy in any way. It seemed unhealthy to me to even think that way. It seemed kinda crazy.
Self-recrimination sucks for everyone. So I'm gonna keep eating my ramen and red meat, keep half-heartedly doing my yoga, and keep being frumpy because I like frumpy! That doesn't make me a fat sinner.
Well, I am a fat sinner, but it's not because I'm fat!
P.S. MS and Tysabri post coming soon, I promise. Complicated RL sucks.